


Dads Don't Do Other Dads' Dirty Dishes Dirty

by JoyHeart



Category: Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Inviting a Third, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Pre-Established Relationship, Prompt Fic, ace!ron, and then ron makes it weird, fluff?, idfk idk here it is, they do dishes..., what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28722411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: Darryl Wilson throws a BBQ for the gang post-Faerun. It was success, but after the party, someone needs to stick around to help with the dishes! Sadly, none of the dads can agree on the right way dishes are done, and meanwhile Ron has been having trouble in the bedroom and has decided the best thing he can do is hire an unpaid intern to do the dirty work he doesn't feel comfortable with.
Relationships: Glenn Close/Samantha Stampler, Henry Oak/Darryl Wilson, Nicolas Close/Grant Wilson, Ron Stampler/Samantha Stampler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Dads Don't Do Other Dads' Dirty Dishes Dirty

**Author's Note:**

> what is this
> 
> how did i get here
> 
> uuuuuh
> 
> well sometimes this is just how prompts are. This prompt was for Darryl and Henry teaching Glenn and Ron how to do the dishes with the pairing of Glenn Close x Samantha Stampler so... idfk I tried ok I TRIED

**Dads Don’t Do Other Dads’ Dirty Dishes Dirty**

Upon their return from the Forgotten Realms, after the boys and dads had managed to more or less settle back into their lives (traumas notwithstanding), it didn’t take long for them all to decide that they needed to set up some kind of regular get together for their families. They didn’t want to risk drifting apart after all, in some ways they needed each other just for the reassurance that what they had all gone through had been real. In other ways they simply knew that they had come to enjoy each other’s company, and wished to continue doing so.

It took only a few weeks before Darryl had invited everyone over to his house for an old fashioned celebratory BBQ (with vegan options for the Oak-Garcia clan of course). It had gone pretty well, all things considered. Darryl had worked the barbeque, Carol had helped make a salad (she and Darryl were still discussing divorce but it hadn’t been entirely agreed upon yet), and the other families had brought along side dishes. Mercedes and Carol had hit it off right away, although Samantha had seemed keen enough to stay close to Ron the whole time. The dads had enjoyed making inside jokes, and the boys had run around the yard pretending they still had magic powers. Overall it was a success, until of course the time came for the party to wind down and Carol giving Darryl a side-eye over the pile of dishes that had accumulated over the course of the afternoon and evening.

Then Darryl had side-eyed Henry, who had been the one to insist they should use the regular plates instead of disposable ones for the sake of the environment.

“Of course, I would be more than happy to stay and help Darryl with the dishes!” Henry said loudly over the sound of a tree branch cracking and Lark falling on top of his brother. “Uh, Mercedes, how about you take the boys home and I’ll get a ride back with Glenn and Nick?”

“Of course, my lion!” Mercedes pecked her husband on the lips before gathering one protesting twin under each arm and marching out to their Subaru.

Meanwhile Glenn, having overheard Henry’s declaration, seemed a bit peeved. “Wait, are you saying I have to wait for you and Darryl to finish the dishes?”

“No, I’m saying you’re helping too,” Henry said simply as Glenn pouted.

“Hey, I’m not the one who said we couldn’t use paper plates!”

“Glenn, come on, if you help it’ll go even faster!” Darryl pressed.

“Fine, but if I have to help, Ron does too!” Glenn said, pointing at Ron who was still sitting on his wife’s lap on one of Darryl’s patio chairs, as he had been for the last hour or so of the party.

“Oh! Uh, dishes, yes,” Ron said, nodding slowly. “I uh, heh heh, yep, I totally know how to do those. Totally can help with, you know, those things. The dishes, I mean.” He sent Samantha a worried look. “Samantha, uh, you should probably take Terry Junior home, and I’ll get a ride home with Glenn too, heh heh.”

Samantha looked concerned, “If you’re sure…” then she smiled a little and trailed her fingers down Ron’s arm. “But when you get back, I’ll have a little surprise waiting for you.”

“Oh, how lovely. Will it be a pie? Or maybe one of those packages digestive biscuits you carry in your purse sometimes?”

“No, I thought we could make love, Ron!” Samantha said with big eyes. Across the lawn, Terry Junior fell flat on his face and groaned loudly at the merciless psychic damage.

Ron, however, seemed less excited then Glenn, Henry, and Darryl would have expected him to look at the prospect of making love to his exceedingly hot wife. Instead he looked a little uncomfortable. “O-oh, yep! Definitely excited about that! Uh huh. Well, see you later, honey.” Pecking his wife on the lips, Ron got off the chair and let Samantha call over their son and leave.

“Man, you’re wife’s hot,” Glenn said too loudly while Samantha was still in the backyard.

Luckily, Samantha only laughed loudly. “Thank you Glenn, you’re hot too!”

Glenn blushed as Ron looked between the two of them with wide eyes and mouth quivering as though he were trying to work out a complicated math equation.

“Ooookay, everybody help me bring this stuff to the kitchen! Grant, come help bring stuff inside!”

“Uh, sure, just gotta show Nick something first. I’ll be back in a second!” Grant said loudly and then ran into the house with Nick and after a minute of gathering dishes it became pretty clear they wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon.

Darryl grumbled over it, but between him and the other dads (Carol had already vanished from the scene as well), it didn’t take that long to get all the dishes inside anyway. Once safely in the kitchen, it became a matter of ensuring that everyone had something to do.

“Alright guys, so, since it’s my kitchen and I know where stuff goes, I’ll put everything away. Ron and Glenn, you start washing, and Henry dries. Break!”

“Aw, that’s really great, Darryl. You know, when I’m at home, Mercedes and I take turns with who washes and who dries, so it’s really nice to uh… to… uh, Ron, you okay there?”

Ron was looking down at the empty sink with wide eyes. Glenn clapped him on the back. “Yeah, dude, are you feeling okay? You look a little spooked.”

“Uh, well, it’s just. Um, well I’ve never actually done dishes before? C-can I dry them instead? I always dry at home.”

“Oh, well, if that’s what you feel more comfortable with, I guess Glenn and I can do the dishes together. But if it’s okay with Darryl, I would prefer not to use dish soap on my hands. I’m sure you’re got some baking soda and vinegar, you can clean just about anything with those!”

“Uh, I’d rather use dish soap on my plates, Henry. Wait, is that why all your plates smell like vinegar? It’s fine, I’ll wash with Glenn and Henry you can… oh but you don’t know where things go.”

“I’m sure I can figure it out! Besides, it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, long as they’re clean and in a cupboard, right? We prefer our cupboards to be a bit more of a surprise like that.”

Darryl grimaced. “Henry, I’ve seen your kitchen. I respect that you do things differently at your house, but if you mess up my kitchen system, I will probably lose it, just saying.”

“Guys, guys, it’s fine!” Glenn waved off the others. “I’ve been living with just me and Nick for ages now, I can do dishes. I’ll show you how, Ron. We can do it together, right? With me and Ron teaming up, we can solve any problem, right buddy?”

“Heh heh, solve problems, right…” Ron dragged out, returning Glenn’s offered fist bump awkwardly.

“Okay well, since it’ll take a second to get some dishes ready to dry, Henry and I will do one more sweep of the yard and then come back to do our part, okay?” Darryl said and then looked at Ron pointedly. “Ron, just be careful and make sure you pay attention to Glenn. And Glenn, uh, I’ll be back in a second.”

“Sure, man, I dig it.”

Darryl and Henry left the room, and Ron and Glenn remained. Glenn turned on the water to as hot as it would go and grabbed the bit glass salad bowl to start washing while Ron watched him very closely. So closely, in fact, that his mustache started to get damp from the spray of the water bouncing off the interior of the bowl as Glenn swished it around.

“Hey, um, Glenn?” Ron asked as Glenn ran the grey scrubber over the inside of the bowl a couple times and then set it on the drying rack. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Uh, sure, man. Oh, is it about no soap? Yeah, I usually only use the soap when stuff’s stuck on, but it was just lettuce and some Italian dressing so you can’t even see anything barely. Yo, hand me those spoons, the ones that look basically clean, I’ll just rinse them.”

“Yeah, sure, here you go,” Ron said handing over the spoons. “Um, my question wasn’t about the dishes though, it was more of a… a business proposition.”

Glenn’s eyebrows rose. “A business proposition from the business man, huh? Sounds gnarly. I’m listening.”

Ron rocked back and forth on his feet. “Well, uh, i-it’s like how you said. If we team up, we can solve any problem, right?”

“Right man, what’s the problem?”

“Well uh,” Ron cleared his throat, “So, are you tired of sitting home alone on weekday nights after Wheel of Fortune, because your wife is dead, and you have no one to make love to?”

Glenn frowned. “Uh…”

“Then have I got a solution for you! Glenn, how would you like to make love to my wife instead?”

“WHAT?!” Glenn entire face lit up and he started laughing hysterically as though he had just heard the funniest joke in the world. “You want me to-“ he snorted, “RON, man, you are the funniest- you really crack me up. You should do stand up, you’re a riot! You’re… looking at me a little too seriously there… oh my god are you serious? You’re serious.” Glenn started to sober and twitch. “Ron, uh, wait… but… jesus, this is not the sort of thing I thought you’d be into…”

“It’s not that! I’m not into it, that’s exactly the problem!” Ron took the spoons Glenn handed them and stuck them in the drying rack. “I mean, my wife is very hot! And I love her, and I love being with her and cuddling and kissing, but every time we make love I’m just, I’m not into it? Not like she is. I do it anyway cause it makes her happy, but I think she’s getting the feeling I’m not into it and I think it’s making her feel bad.”

“Geez Ron, uh, that’s rough but I don’t know if me fucking your wife is going to solve that problem.”

“Sure it will!” Ron said hurriedly, glancing over his shoulder as though checking to be sure Darryl and Henry weren’t back yet. “Samantha really likes making love! But I don’t, but you do! And you both think each other are hot, and um, also your wife is not in the picture since she’s dead! So there’s no downside!”

Glenn whined. “Dude, that’s so messed up. I can’t… Ron, you can’t decide this without Samantha.”

“Well I figured it could be a surprise! I go into the bedroom first tell her that I’ve brought a new intern on board the corporate enterprise that is our marriage! And then I’d say, he’s very hot, enjoys sex, and also can make coffee and do dishes! Maybe even complete light administrative work! And then I’d say, ‘come out and say hello, Glenn!’ And then you’d come out and say hello, and then have sex with my hot wife Samantha!”

“Ron, I don’t think that-”

“GLENN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Darryl roared from behind them. Glenn and Ron turned to find him and Henry (Henry’s hair looking suspiciously mussed) having re-entered the kitchen and apparently horrified.

“I’m doing dishes like you asked, dude. What’s it look like?”

“You’re using steel wool on the plates! You’re gonna scratch them!”

“Oh,” Glenn blinked. “I dunno, I use steel wool on everything, it just cleans it faster, you know?”

“You aren’t even using the dish soap! You didn’t even fill the sink! You’re wasting water!” Darryl gasped, running to shut off the tap.

“Wasting water is no joke, Glenn,” Henry said sternly as Glenn rolled his eyes.

“Glenn, I’ll show you how to wash the dishes. Ron, you dry, Darryl puts away.”

“Whatever, man,” Glenn grumbled as Darryl fussed over his scratched salad bowl and Henry moved in to actually put the plug in the sink this time.

“Here Darryl,” Ron said, passing Darryl a dish that was absolutely still wet.

“Uh, Ron, you have to dry this with the towel first.”

“Oh,” Ron frowned, “I guess that’s because we didn’t use soap?”

“What?”

“Well, when Samantha and I do dishes, she uses soap. And so when she gives them to me, I put them in the cupboard with the soap on them so they stay clean.”

Darryl’s jaw dropped. “What?! You don’t- you don’t leave the soap on your dishes, Ron! That can’t be good for you! Henry, did you hear that?”

“Yeah, dish soap has a lot of frankly suspicious chemicals Ron, you probably shouldn’t use it at all.”

“Henry, that’s not the problem!”

Ron looked very confused as Glenn started putting dishes into the water while Henry left in a huff to find some baking soda.

“Henry, just use the dish soap! And rinse it after. Ron, just dry the dishes.”

There was a shattering sound as Glenn looked down at broken glass that had slipped from his hand to the ground. “Huh, oops.”

Darryl took a deep breath in through his nose and started counting out loud while the other dads looked at each other nervously.

“Okay. Just. Glenn? How about you and Ron just head out. I’ll finish here with Henry and I’ll drive him home after myself.”

Henry straightened and a tiny smile quirked his lips. “Or I could stay a little later if you want…”

Darryl blushed and Glenn cleared his throat loudly. “Yeah uh, that’s cool. I’ll get Nick and get out of your hair. Come on, Ron.”

“Oh good, we can talk more about you making love to my wife, then.”

“What?” Darryl asked, head on a swivel but Glenn and Ron were already leaving the kitchen and Henry had his hands on Darryl’s shoulders, so he was distracted again pretty easily.

*

Glenn opened the door to Grant’s bedroom to find Nick and Grant curled up under the blankets on his bed, Grant leaning his head on Nick’s chest as they watched something on Grant’s phone. They didn’t notice Glenn right away and he managed to catch Nick pressing a kiss into Grant’s hair. Huh. Didn’t know that was going on.

“You staying the night?” Glenn asked, and the boys startled, half-heartedly separating even as Glenn raised his hands and insisted it was cool.

“Can I?” Nick asked, glancing at Grant.

Grant looked at Glenn. “Can he?”

“I’m fine with it. I’ll let Darryl know on my way out, kay?”

“Thanks Mr. Close!”

“Thanks dad, see you later?”

“Right on, little dude. Get it.”

“Dad, stop!” Nick blushed as Glenn shut the door and paused as he looked at Ron.

“Uh, so I’m taking you home?”

“And you’ll consider my offer? For the position, I mean? Oh, it’s not paid though. It’s an unpaid internship.”

Glenn made a slight whine at the back of his throat as he silently passed Ron and started heading out of the house for his car. Ron continued his awkward internship pitch, and Glenn as he thought more and more about the lovely Samantha… but no. No he couldn’t. It was crazy.

*

“So anyway Samantha, uh, I have a proposition. You know I’m not as keen on a lot of love making things that you like. But as a solution, uh, I have hired on an intern to help pick up the slack around the office, uh, so to speak. He’s very hot, and very good at making coffee and can do dishes maybe? But anyways, uh, I would like to introduce you to our new sex intern, Glenn!”

Ron stood aside for the man behind him to shuffle into the room, wide eyed and terrified. Samantha laid out on her bed in her lingerie, big beautiful eyes getting even bigger as a smile curled on her lips.

“Well _hello_ Glenn, I’m looking forward to working with you.”


End file.
